Love Heals: Bonding With Our Adopted Son

The following article was written in May 2017 for Flourish Motherhood Magazine's First Issue  Feb. 2018

     This month my three year old has been saying "I love you mom" for the first time. This is a little boy that has come from a hard place. These are hard places that I'll never be aware of because he joined our family at 15 months from the foster system. We will never know what those 15 months were like for him but I think we see glimpses in his personality and behavior. "I love you." Those words are bringing healing we need. "I love you." Those words are continually breaking down pieces of a "wall" that is hard to describe and I can't fully wrap my mind around it. Even so, there is freedom felt in writing it down and sharing it here. 

When our little guy first joined the family, there was love. There has always been love but there has always been struggle too. When a little one loses continuity in their primary caregiver; it is traumatic and life changing. In a matter of three months our little boy had changed primary caregivers three times. In addition, 6 weeks after joining our family, his new born sister appeared into our lives too. So, he was not only striving to gain trust in these new family relationships but was also having to share time and space with a little baby he did not know. Sandwich all of this in-between two parents that were exhausted and he was left struggling even more. Despite our exhaustion and juggling twice as many kids, we had to move forward. Moving forward is a continuous choice we must make despite how we feel.

     There are days when I yell and days when I regret my own behavior as a mom. Then the kids yell back and we end up in a big ball of crying together. Those very behaviors I cringe at are the very things pulling us back into each other’s arms and pulling us into His grace. In the Bible from Philippians 2:13 it says "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." The power to move forward in bonding and growing (with all our children) needs to come from our obedience in Christ. We must choose to obey Christ first and then the desire will follow. With prayer and dedication to our heavenly Father; we will naturally desire to do what pleases Him...EVEN IF WE DONT WANT TO!! The truth is I don't want to always slow down and dedicate my time to physically and emotionally supporting my children. Those are times when I need to lean into Christ even more.

There are so many unknowns about our little boy’s experience in foster care but here is what I do know: I know I'm not doing this alone. I know I'm not perfect and that's why I need someone that is. I know the love of Christ is building the relationship between my sweet boy and me and sometimes a simple hug is the solution. I also know Christ is whispering those healing words "I love you." He whispers those healing words to you also. He whispers them when you seek forgiveness from your children, as you cry from exhaustion and as you hear your child's first words of "I love you." As you cling to those words, may you move forward in obedience while raising your hands to The One that loves you and is "...giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him."

Read more about Flourish here: Flourish Motherhood

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