Making Your Marriage a Priority

We celebrated 14 year of marriage this year! I'm here to say it has not been easy. Add kids into that mix and it becomes a REAL challenge! We are blessed with wonderful family members that watch our four little ones for a weekend here and there. However, at this time in our lives,
we needed something different. Something more then just time away from the kids. We needed "something" that would push us to uncover some difficult issues and bring us closer to our heavenly Father and to each other.

We've had what I considered a strong marriage. Then life brought a lot of change. Within about 8 months (starting in May 2014) we moved, said goodbye to our first foster son, my husband started a new job, the two older kids started a new school, December brought our new foster son and January 2015 his newborn sister. The dust began to settle when we were blessed in adopting both babies in 2015! (Visit Our Adoption Story and The Beauty and Ugly of Adoption here) As the dust settled, the realization that our marriage had taken a back seat became reality when the fighting increased and it seemed we never met on common ground. We knew things needed to change. This change was slow and with kids it seemed like an impossible task. Our life was in a new stage and our marriage relationship had not caught up yet!

Fast forward to 2016 and we decided to attend a marriage retreat through The Healthy Marriage Coalition. It was the "something" that would uncover some difficult issues and bring us closer to our heavenly Father and to each other. During this retreat we were shown skills that had gone dormant in our relationship, and truths we were ignoring. Here are some key points I walked away with:

* If you're looking for happiness; don't look to marriage." The Lord didn't design marriage so we would just focus on one another. He designed it to model what he is for us. Marriage is suppose to cause us to lean into Him even more! Of course marriage can bring us happiness but it shouldn't be our main source! So often I lean into my husband most when the Lord Jesus Christ is the One I'm to lean into more. Ephesians 5:25 "For Husbands this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church..."

*  Ephesians 5:33 says, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Guys this is so stinkin' hard! We are human and there are days that I know I am unlovable and my husband is not deserving of respect. BUT this is the command right here in the Bible! Its a command that causes us to draw closer to His strength. Our flesh makes it almost impossible to do the loving and respecting the way God calls us to. WE CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT HIM!!! Lean on Him and "mountains" will moved in our own hearts.

* Provide each other with daily appreciations. This seems simple enough but we were neglecting this. By daily appreciating you are acknowledging something meaningful, a noticed act of service, a gratitude for a job well done, or a statement that expresses it was important to you. "I appreciate that you mow the lawn and make sure our yard is looking good" or "I appreciate how you make sure our children are prepared for school and make it there on time." Its acknowledging that you see the hard work your spouse is doing. It breaks down walls and builds connection.

* Let the children see you being a couple. Our four children pull for our attention during all their waking hours. Unless we schedule time as a couple the kids will monopolize it. This is a hard one for us because the battle is real. If we sit down together something will break, a child will get hurt or someone will start screaming. We know this is a pattern that must continually be worked on and pushed for. We need to be protective of our time (more on T-I-M-E here). The kids will see this and carry it into their own marriage!

These were just some of the key points and I hope and pray we can continue putting all of them into practice. I'm so glad we made the effort to attend this retreat. The skills we learned and practiced are priceless. I'm looking forward to no longer putting our marriage in the back seat. If you are desiring something more for your marriage, seek the Lord first. Then may you pull together as one, feel the nudge of the Holy Spirit and move towards a better relationship with the Lord and ultimately with one another.

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