Cultivating A Relationship With Your Children

Last night my oldest daughter melted into a ball of tears "Dad spent time playing with Bubba and now I want to play my game. Its not fair that dad is only playing with him." My oldest son only minutes earlier was crying in his room, "Dad hasn't played with me since Friday, I've been waiting to play with him since Friday." Does this sound familiar to you at all? There is only one of you and so many children!!! What a great "problem" to have. Our children actually WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH US! I know, as they age, this will not always be the case (right now they're 2, 3, 7 and 9). They will eventually spend more time with friends, be busy in extra activities and completing mountains of homework. However, it doesn't make the task of making time with each of our children any easier. I want them to always desire to spend that time with us. As a result, I can quickly fall into feelings of guilt or become overwhelmed with the lack of time for each child.

So, over the years we've implemented a few solutions that seem to help. Do we implement them perfectly? No, absolutely not. I think this causes us to fall into the arms of a Savior that has more than enough time for us and more than enough solutions. Cultivating a close relationship with your children is similar to caring for a garden. Each plant has different ways to be cared for, they are watered differently, grow uniquely and are harvested at specific times. So, with that being written, here are some ideas we've tried to practice so all four kids receive that "cultivation" from us (whether or not the kids believe this, is a whole other perspective).

Ideas For Cultivating A Relationship With Your Children

Weeknights:
With my husband arriving home around 5:30pm, dinner and then cleanup...it leaves very little time left for playing or one on one time with the kids. So, when there is time, we use the time spent ALL TOGETHER. This means the kids cannot sneak one of us off to their rooms alone or exclude everyone else from a game of tossing the football. During the weeknights, EVERYONE participates together (if they want to). With limited time, this is the only way someone doesn't feel left out.

Bedtime Rituals:
Bedtime rituals are the perfect scheduled opportunity for time with the kids. The Littles have their baby stories and baby songs with one of us before bed while the other parent follows the Bigs around. I write "follow" because these guys get sooooo very distracted and (if allowed) their teeth would rot and they would wear the same clothes every day (even to bed). A typical routine for the Bigs includes a chapter book we're reading together, a hymn and then prayers. There is much conversation birthed from reading chapters books aloud to your kids. I highly recommend it!

Family Nights:
We have designated Thursday nights as family night after the little ones are in bed. When the two little ones are older, they'll be included in this night as well. Having them in bed, gives us more time for in-depth conversation and less managing of misbehavior. This night holds different purposes depending on the need. We've used this night to discuss family issues, teach valuable lessons (like how to budget your money), discover a Bible Story, memorize a Hymn or play games.

Dates:
Soon after we started fostering, we saw the need to spend focused time with each individual child privately. Each date is different. Some cost money and other times its completely free. Each month the kids rotate dates with one of us. Right now we're consistent with the older two because its easier to take a 7 and 9 year old out in public than a 2 and 3 year old. Note to self: we need to work on including the younger ones on more dates.

Date Ideas:

Park visit

Taking a walk

Bike rides

Soda at McDs

Costco run with a hotdog stop

Baseball game

Church event (Mother and Daughter tea)

Playing tag (Our youngest son loves this...especially since he doesn't have to share us)

Dollar store treasure hunting

Visiting a Grandparent

Nap Time:
When half of our kids spend the middle of the day in bed, I need to take advantage of that uninterrupted time with my older two. With summer break here, I'm looking forward to some big kid interactions during naptime. Side note: this needs to also be when I schedule in "me time" (see more on that in my Restart series in the link below).

Weekend Fun:
I'll be honest, our weekend is geared toward checking off our list of "to dos." Although, weekends are the only time to accomplish many of our tasks, it shouldn't be the only thing we schedule. We need to schedule fun into our "list of things." Side note: it needs to also be when we schedule couple time (see more about couple time by clicking the links at the bottom).

Cheap Weekend Ideas

Visit a local pond and feed the ducks

family bike ride or walk

sprinklers in the backyard

local zoo
Sit and watch a WHOLE movie together

sock wars
(bring out your socks and throw them at each other)

Random Times:
- Walking the older children to school without the two younger kids provides 10 minutes of relaxed conversation. Walking side by side lends to rich conversation compared with face to face with my big boy!
- Volunteering in the classroom and fieldtrips: I love being in their presence by simply helping out their teacher at school.
- While the older kids are in school I have the opportunity to implement creative provocations for my younger two. I love observing their innocent curiosity (sometimes) and watching their interests unfold.

Side note: Letting our children be bored and entertain themselves is very beneficial too!

Even though we try our best to implement these ideas, the kids still try to throw "you don't play with me" guilt bombs at us. Its in those moments that we must turn their eyes to The One who can fulfill ALL their needs. As human parents, we can't possibly fulfill ALL the needs and desires of our children. That certainly isn't why the Lord gave them parents and they need to know this. The Lord wants us to lean into Him and glorify Him and we are (hopefully) showing our children how to do the same. So, whether you have 1, 4, 7 or 12 children, may you know that the Lord has given your kids a wonderful parent (you) and may you trust that He will provide just what you need to do His work. Now stand back and watch your garden grow.